[THS] Somali pirates say they are subsidiary of Goldman Sachs

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Somali pirates say they are subsidiary of Goldman Sachs

Could Make Prosecution Difficult, Experts Say

By Andy Borowitz
The Borowitz Report
Sunday, April 25, 2010

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

NORFOLK, Virginia -- Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S.
court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking
giant Goldman Sachs.

There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates
announced, "We are doing God's work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein."

The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year,
elaborated on the nature of the Somalis' work for Goldman, explaining that the
pirates attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.

"We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday," the
pirate said.

The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late
2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as
opposed to pirates, "plus to get our share of the bailout money."

In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were
scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now
be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.
"There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact,
pirates," one government source said. "But if they are bankers, our hands are tied."