[THS] Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Is An Illusion

[Peter Webster]

Economy Grinds To Halt As Nation Realizes Money Is An Illusion
Posted By Barry Ritholtz On February 17, 2010 (7:30 pm) In Currency, Humor

Leave it to The Onion to speak the Truth:

The U.S. economy ceased to function this week after unexpected existential remarks
by Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke shocked Americans into realizing that
money is, in fact, just a meaningless and intangible social construct.

What began as a routine report before the Senate Finance Committee Tuesday
ended with Bernanke passionately disavowing the entire concept of currency, and
negating in an instant the very foundation of the world’s largest economy.

“Though raising interest rates is unlikely at the moment, the Fed will of course act
appropriately if we
if we
” said Bernanke, who then paused for a moment, looked
down at his prepared statement, and shook his head in utter disbelief. “You know
what? It doesn’t matter. None of this—this so-called ‘money’—really matters at all.”
;

“It’s just an illusion,” a wide-eyed Bernanke added as he removed bills from his wallet
and slowly spread them out before him. “Just look at it: Meaningless pieces of paper
with numbers printed on them. Worthless.”

According to witnesses, Finance Committee members sat in thunderstruck silence for
several moments until Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) finally shouted out, “Oh my God, he’s
right. It’s all a mirage. All of it—the money, our whole economy—it’s all a lie!